Monday, December 29, 2008

Redneck Slumdog Millionaire - Trailer

We loved the original film by Danny Boyle Slumdog Millionaire so much that we made our own American Redneck version called Redneck Slumdog Millionaire.

You can see the trailer here

Redneck Slumdog Millionaire

Just for fun, compare it to the original trailer seen here.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

The Problem with Heaven - Rick Warren at the Inauguration

Rick Warren, who based on his weight could be the Queen of Tonga if he
wasn’t the homophobic pastor of the evangelical Saddleback Church in Lake
Forest, California, has made lots of folks angry lately. It wasn’t enough that he
publicly supported California Proposition 8 which amended the state constitution
to ban same-sex marriages. No, there’s footage of him telling a Jewish woman
that of course she’s going to Hell if she doesn’t embrace Jesus. And it doesn’t take a beautiful mind to extrapolate that to mean that all those who don’t embrace Jesus are going to Hell. Which means that Heaven is reserved for Christians. And people are pissed.

My question is WHY?
Rick Warren says I’m going to Hell because I don’t believe in Jesus.
My response is – I don’t even believe in your Hell. I don’t believe in your Heaven.
I don’t believe in your God. Or his Son.

And I would add that all the other Jews and Muslims and Hindus and animists and atheists and agnostics and believers and non-believers of all kinds on the planet
would agree.

Because religion is about believing YOUR FAIRY TALE. Not the other guy’s.

Tolerance of other religions or belief systems is a phony proposition.

Each religion is the One True Way. Each religion is the Path to Salvation.
Each religion is The Truth.

Which means that all others are FALSE. I’ll make it even more clear. All the others are a pack of phony-baloney lies. Let’s not beat around the Burning Bush here.

Believe what you want to believe. Knock yourself out. Religious tolerance always comes with a shrug and rolled eyes and a bit of a snort. So sing your songs of praise and learn about your miracles and your saints and your pillars of wisdom and your keys to a faithful life. I repeat, knock yourself out.

Those are yours. For your belief systems. For your religions.
They have nothing to do with me.
Not while I’m alive and certainly not after I’m dead.

The Mormons, who oddly enough also made a big deal about supporting California Proposition 8, are going around and baptizing the dead of other religions. In their thinking this makes them Mormons in the next life and then forever. They’re doing this to Jewish Holocaust victims and making lots of Jews and others nervous. But again, the question is WHY?

Mormon Heaven, Mormon Hell, Mormon baptizing practices have no meaning to me and they certainly have no meaning to dead Jewish Holocaust victims. Because to me and to them – Mormon Heaven doesn’t exist, Mormon Hell doesn’t exist, and knock yourself out in your baptismal pools but getting folks wet in other people’s names and adding your mumbo-jumbo doesn’t make it real. It may be real to you in Salt Lake City just as Rick Warren’s Heaven and Hell may be real in Lake Forest.

So for all the millions of human beings slaughtered and enslaved in the name of religion through the years I offer this –

Rick Warren, you can go to your Heaven. And you can certainly go to your Hell.

Mormons, same with you. Go to your Heaven, go to your Hell.

But you can’t make me go and you can’t take me with.

And when I’m in D.C. for Obama’s inauguration and Rick Warren is giving the invocation I promise not to boo or hiss or make a scene. Now that’s tolerance.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Everything Matters - 12/19/08 - Evening Edition

Bristol Palin’s mother-in-law was arrested today for running a meth lab
out of her house in Wasilla, Alaska. Let’s look at a few of the small-town
values on view in Sarah Palin’s immediate and extended family – teenage
pregnancy, unprotected sex, sex before marriage, drug taking, drug making,
drug selling, and a marked inability to name any book, magazine or newspaper
that you have read or read regularly. Yep, that’s our Sarah – too busy
looking over at Russia to see what’s going wrong in her own backyard.

Illinois Governor and noted Elvis fan Rod Blagojevich says he is innocent and
will fight the federal charges against him until his last breath. To support his
case he’s hired a famous defense attorney and released an mp3 of himself
singing “Suspicious Minds.”

Actor Jeremy Piven has walked off Broadway where he was appearing in David
Mamet’s Speed the Plow. Piven claims he has mercury poisoning due to his
habit of eating sushi daily for years. David Mamet responded to Piven’s quitting
by saying “Fuck Jeremy Piven, fuck mercury, fuck mercury the element and
fuck mercury the planet and fuck mercury the messenger of the gods.”
He added, “Fuck poison, fuck Poison the hair band and just for the hell of it
fuck Brett Michaels of Poison too. “

In the Minnesota Senatorial race recount, a vote with Lizard People written
above the name Norm Coleman was counted while one with Brett Favre written
over Al Franken’s name was not. The state board criteria was that Lizard People
was clearly not a real vote but the one for Brett Favre was. So basically the
criteria is if you’re just a lunatic and wrote-in Lizard People your vote counts,
but if you’re a dick and thought you were funny and wrote in Brett Favre your
vote doesn’t count. The joke’s on them as Sarah Palin just announced she’s
running as the Lizard People candidate for President in 2012. Makes sense.
Palin is cold-blooded, hasn’t fully evolved, and had to have an expensive
make-up artist on call during the election because of her dry, scaly skin.

The pirates of Somalia have told the world press that they became pirates to
make money which would help them attract the ladies. On the pirates’ Facebook
page, their interests are listed as “throwing people overboard, murdering innocent
sailors, and breaking global maritime law. Piracy must work because on the same Facebook page the pirates are all listed as “In a Relationship.”

Monday, December 15, 2008

Twilight Movie Review from Everything Matters

See what the crap you get from typical Hollywood with Movies about not fucking and sequels of sequels of sequels.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Everything Matters - 12/11/08 - Movie Mash-Up Edition

I love the end of the year in movies. All the top 10 lists, the best of the year, the worst of the year. And especially the movies that are nominated for awards – Ny Film Critics, LA Film Critics, Golden Globes, Oscars…
But as much as I love the movies, I’d love to see not so much sequels and prequels as mash-ups – movies that are made, like music mash-ups, of 2 or more movies mashed together to make one new movie.
The Dark Knight Vicky Cristina Barcelona – Tag line - a 3 way we’d all like to see.
Milk The Wrestler – the story of America’s first openly gay WWE wrestler. Tag line – He pinned his opponents inside the ring and married them outside. Except in California.
Frost/Nixon Burn After Reading – Tag line – Burn After Taping is More Like it.
Milk Man on Wire – A gay French aerialist tightropes across the twin towers – just to deliver the milk.
Mamma Mia Defiance – Russian Jews fight back against the Nazi war machine, all to bouncy sing-along ABBA hits.
The Dark Knight Happy-Go-Lucky – A new Batman, now on Prozac.
Rachel Getting Married 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days – a lot can happen before Rachel gets married.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Kung-Fu Panda – Brad Pitt as you’ve never seen him before – An endangered species… who fights back!
The Reader, The Visitor, The Duchess, The Dark Knight – this year’s Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice. And Jim Carrey’s all of them!
Slumdog Millionaire In Bruges – The weirdest Craigslist personal ad in Belgium. And see who answers!

Everything Matters - 12/11/08 Afternoon Edition

Brad Pitt’s new movie, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, is up for a slew of Best Picture awards from major critics across America. It’s about a man who ages backwards – starts out old and ends up young. In L.A. it’s also known as The Dyan Cannon Story for the actress who was born in 1937, married Cary Grant in 1965, and based on her appearance at L.A. Laker games, is now 19 years old.

Also at the movies, Ron Howard’s new film, Frost/Nixon, about the 1970s David Frost interviews with disgraced former President Richard Nixon is getting good reviews but is not expected to do well at the box office. That’s because a similarly themed movie came out a few years back and did terribly – how many of you remember Griffin/Hitler, about the weird Merv Griffin interviews with disgraced former Fuehrer Adolf Hitler?
In the works however, should Frost/Nixon do well are Kimmel/Cheney, Letterman/Mugabe, and my favorite, The Ladies of The View/Putin.

Rod Blagojevich is refusing to resign as Governor of Illinois. He’s been indicted on federal charges of trying to sell the open Senate seat of President-Elect Barack Obama.
Funny, usually when your last name’s Blagojevich you’re not the Governor of Ilinois, you’re the former Serbian strongman being tried at the Hague for crimes against humanity. On second thought, having seen his hair, he should be tried at the Hague
for crimes against humanity.

Blagojevich is blaming the whole thing on bad luck. Yes, a black cat did cross his path. And then somehow it ended up on his head.

The Congress voted to give 14 billion in loans to GM, Ford and Chrysler. They’ll also create a “car czar”. The “Car Czar” will have 3 duties - oversight over the auto industry, raise environmental standards and create greener cars, and of course, as Czar, bring the Romanoff monarchy back to Russia.

I love how in the United States, a democracy, we’ve “borrowed” or “co-opted” the word Czar from Russia, our big enemy during the Cold War and the model for totalitarianism.
Need someone to run the war on drugs – Drug Czar. Need someone to oversee the bailed-out auto industry – Car Czar. I shouldn’t worry, it’s just a word. I’ll worry more when the Car Czar sends out the Cossacks to kill labor unionists, intellectuals and Jews.

The indicted Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, is claiming he did nothing wrong. He wasn’t selling off the Senate seat. After watching the Federal Government bail out the banks, Wall Street and the auto industry, he was just looking to for the bail-out of Blagojevich Incorporated. Of which he is the only employee.

On the taped phone calls the government is using to build their case, Blagojevich can be heard saying “Fuck Obama” and Obama’s people “don’t want to give me anything but appreciation.” Soon he’ll be getting much more – an 8 x 12 cell, a metal toilet, and a 6’8” roommate with a shaved head named 8-Ball.

When Blagojevich says “Fuck Obama” on the tapes he’s upset because Obama didn’t represent the change that he needed. Matter of fact, he didn’t want change at all.
He wanted a million dollars in small bills, non-sequential serial numbers. But no change.

Senator David Vitter, Republican of Louisiana, has called the auto industry bail-out “ass backwards”. Considering Vitter was a client of the DC Madam and liked to be dressed
in big, adult diapers when he met with prostitutes, thinking of Vitter and anything “ass backwards” is almost as unpleasant a picture as the roadkill perched on top of Rod Blagojevich’s head.

Ever since the Watergate scandal brought down Nixon in disgrace and he was forced to resign, every scandal anywhere has to have the suffix GATE attached. The current one in Illinois is no exception – Blago-Gate is what they’re calling it. First of all, Blago has no rhythm, no poetry. Blago sounds like someone who fights Popeye, or a weird minor character from Lord of the Rings, like a cousin of Bilbo or Frodo.
How about these alternatives to Blago-Gate –
1. Senate Fantasy Camp – Not just a week-end, spend 6 years with the Senators – only a million bucks.
2. Bla-Gate-Evich – it gets the Gate in there but keeps his Serbian heritage intact.
3. F@@k Obama Gate – it keeps Obama’s name front and center and is the number one choice among Republicans.
4. Spinning Lincoln-Gate – based on the great line about Illinois corruption from U.S. Attorney Patrick Sullivan.
5. Dirtier than Louisiana/New Jersey/Nevada/Arizona Gate – pick any of the other scandal-ridden states to make your comparison.
6. Spitzer wanted Pussy, I wanted Money Gate – two stupid Governors in one. And you get 2 of the 3 biggest cities in America.