Everything Matters - 10/21/08 - Hollywood Edition

Let’s face it, if Hollywood were to remake Frank Capra’s classic It’s A Wonderful Life and base it on the Republican policies that lead to the collapse of the global economy, the Bailey Building and Loan Association would foreclose on everyone in Bedford Falls, George Bailey would commit suicide and take half the town with him, and Clarence Odbody, the Guardian Angel would plummet to Earth in a fireball cause he would never get his wings. They could even use another movie title to show the true horror of the world left behind after 8 years off George Bush – Apocalypse Now.

Everything Matters - 10/16/08 - Afternoon Edition

After last night’s 3rd and final debate (with apologies to Budd Schulberg’s On the Waterfront):

Act III, Scene 6 - PLACING THE BLAME

Int. Hofstra University Debate Hall – Night

Deserted. Bob Scheiffer is gone. The people and media types are gone.
Barack and Michelle are gone. Cindy McCain is gone. In a darkened dressing
room, only George Bush and John McCain remain. Tension and the threat of
violence in the air.

Bush
Look, kid, er, old man, I - how much you weigh, John?
When you weighed one hundred and sixty-eight pounds
you were beautiful. You coulda been another Billy Conn,
and that skunk you got for a campaign manager, he brought
you along too fast.

McCain
It wasn't him, George, it was you. Remember that night
in the Senate you came down to my dressing room and you
said, "Kid, er, old man, this ain't your night. The country’s
going for the price on Obama." You remember that? "This
ain't your night"! My night! I coulda taken Obama apart!
So what happens? He gets the title shot on January 20th
outdoors in D.C. and what do I get? A one-way ticket
to Palooka-ville! You was my President, George, you shoulda
looked out for me a little bit. You shoulda taken care of me just
a little bit so I wouldn't have to take them dives for the short-end money.

Bush
Oh I had some bets down for you. You married that beer
heiress. You saw some money.

McCain
You don't understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a
contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which
is what I am, let's face it. It was you, George.

Everything Matters - 9/26/08 - Late Morning Edition

So McCain goes to Washington and sits silently in a meeting with Bush, Obama, and the major players in the bailout scenario. According to all published reports, McCain IS THE REASON there was no deal reached yesterday because he would not reveal what side of the deal he was on. Today McCain said, “Deal, no deal. The minute I see 26 supermodels with suitcases full of money I’ll decide.”

Deal or no deal. Bush says the future of the American economy is at stake here.
Wall Street has collapsed and the middle class is disappearing. And today Bush called
in his secret weapon to stop the bleeding. Tonight in primetime House Republicans, the group that skewed the deal yesterday and remain the last holdouts, will be asked by Howie Mandel, “Deal or no deal?”

The Bush Administration wants to save Wall Street. Barack Obama and the Democratic leadership want to save Main Street. And John McCain and the renegade House Republicans want to save K Street so they can go back to Easy Street.

The renegade House Republicans who blew the bailout deal yesterday are demanding
that capital gains taxes be rescinded for 2 years as part of any deal. Considering that working people have very little capital and certainly no gains, this is clearly a case of putting party before country.

The renegade House Republicans who are insisting on a 2 year moratorium on capital gains taxes before they’ll agree to an economic bailout are clearly putting party before country. With this in mind, I finally figured out why Republicans seemingly always have the edge in the polls when it comes to handling foreign policy. To Republicans, the United States is a foreign country. So everything they do is foreign policy.

Everything Matters - 9/25/08 - Morning Edition

Last night Bush spoke about the economic crisis, or as it’s known at his house – Other People’s Money.

In his speech, Bush let us in on how he really felt. And I quote, “It is difficult to pass a bill that commits so much of the taxpayers’ hard-earned money… But given the situation we are facing, not passing a bill now would cost these Americans much more later.” These Americans. He’s not including himself. Or anyone like himself. Republicans. Rich, white Republicans. Be very clear - these Americans are taxpayers who earn their hard-earned money through hard work. These Americans are the vast majority of the American people.
To paraphrase Walt Kelly’s Pogo: I have met these Americans and they are us.

So McCain rides into Washington on a white horse and saves the American economy. Not likely. First off, his white horse is busy lobbying for Freddie Mac or Georgia. Don’t forget, this is the man who has said he knows very little about how economics works and last Monday when the stock market fell 511 points he said the fundamentals of the economy are strong. He wants to save the economy – here’s a start –
How ‘bout he donates half his wife’s hundred million dollar fortune and 8 of his twelve houses to be used by foreclosed families. And the 5 grand he pays a Hollywood make-up artist to cover up whatever that is going on on his face. And the 500 dollar loafers he wears. And gets rid of every lobbyist on his campaign staff. Yeah, do all that for a start and then we can talk.

Look, it’s so clear that McCain suspended his campaign, whatever that means, so he wouldn’t have to debate this Friday and he wouldn’t have to debate on the economy, which is the real issue.
Never forget he voted for tax cuts for the wealthy in time of war and voted with George Bush over 90% of the time. McCain is still a P.O.W. – Prisoner of W (Bush 43)

And it’s even clearer that McCain suspended his campaign, whatever that means, so he could cancel the Palin debate as well. New Horror film based on Palin’s candidacy and reluctance to speak to the press – The Silence of the Moose.

Palin did tell Katie Couric that she would “get some examples of McCain’s economic leadership and bring them to her.” Well, the bad news is she won’t find any examples and the good news is at least it proves that one member of the Republican ticket knows how to use Google.

So Bush wants the American people to buy 700 billion dollars worth of investments that are so bad that no one can put a value on them. I’d offer to sell you a bridge but the American infrastructure is so bad that the bridge probably fell a long time ago.

How ‘bout we stop building the wall across the US-Mexican border and put it where it belongs – on Wall Street. We wall up Wall Street. With all the brokers and investment bankers inside. And if any of them have any ideas how to fix this mess they profited from and helped create, we send in Snake Plissken to bring them out. Oh, and if that doesn’t work because Snake Plissken doesn’t exist, enjoy the view, boys.