Everything Matters - 10/29/08 - Morning Edition

So you do know that there is no Mrs. Joe the Plumber. Something about the
male threading on his pipes not really fitting into the female threading on hers.

Obama’s got a half hour campaign ad on TV tonight which people are calling
“very special”. Just what we need, another “very special” episode where Uncle
Obama talks to the cast of Two and a Half Men about the dangers of unsafe sex
and teenage drinking.

Doesn’t Joe the Plumber look like the giant gladiator Tigris of Gaul who’s sent
in to fight and kill Russell Crowe in Gladiator? But he ends up dead with the
sword in his foot? Raise your hands – how many of you would like to see
Joe the Plumber with a sword in his foot? Or to get him to shut the fuck up –
in his mouth?!

So you do know that there is no Mrs. Joe the Plumber. Something about his
pipes leaking early before her faucets were actually turned on.

McCain is having a Joe the Plumber rally at a lumberyard in Florida.
Obama had a crowd of a hundred thousand in Denver the other day and
a week before the election McCain is speaking before a hundred guys in Florida
with toolbelts and visible buttcracks. And all of them thinking the same thing –
“How do I get a shot at laying some pipe into Cindy McCain?”

Sarah Palin gave a speech on energy policy this morning where she said
we need to build 45 more nuclear power plants. Actually she said 45
“nuke-u-ler” power plants. Hey, crazy lady, if you can’t fucking say it you
can’t fucking build it!!!

Palin did say what she’d do with the nuclear waste generated by those
45 “nuke-u-ler” power plants she wants to build.And she listed – New York,
San Francisco, Washington, D.C…

Everything Matters - 10/27/08 - Evening Edition

In Hollywood, the movie Max Payne finished second in the box office numbers last week. And in politics, Max Payne, otherwise known as John McCain, is doing his best
to finish second as well.

Leaks from the McCain campaign are calling Sarah Palin names like Diva and Rogue. Just what I’m looking for in a Vice President – someone who’s a little bit J-Lo and a little bit uncanny X-Men.

With 8 days to go McCain is falling further behind. He needs Joe the Plumber now more than ever cause his chances to the White House are in the toilet.

Over the weekend US forces attacked militants in Pakistan and Syria, two countries we are not at war with. Until now.

The McCain campaign is calling Obama things like socialist, communist, Marxist.
No wonder McCain likes that Arizona desert heat. He’s still fighting the Cold War.

McCain calls Obama, Pelosi and Reid a dangerous threesome. Hey, a dangerous threesome is won the NBA title for the Celtics last year.

Famed mystery novelist Tony Hillerman died today in New Mexico.
Foul play is suspected but Navaho police officers Joe Leaphorn and Jim
Chee are already on the case.