So you do know that there is no Mrs. Joe the Plumber. Something about the
male threading on his pipes not really fitting into the female threading on hers.
Obama’s got a half hour campaign ad on TV tonight which people are calling
“very special”. Just what we need, another “very special” episode where Uncle
Obama talks to the cast of Two and a Half Men about the dangers of unsafe sex
and teenage drinking.
Doesn’t Joe the Plumber look like the giant gladiator Tigris of Gaul who’s sent
in to fight and kill Russell Crowe in Gladiator? But he ends up dead with the
sword in his foot? Raise your hands – how many of you would like to see
Joe the Plumber with a sword in his foot? Or to get him to shut the fuck up –
in his mouth?!
So you do know that there is no Mrs. Joe the Plumber. Something about his
pipes leaking early before her faucets were actually turned on.
McCain is having a Joe the Plumber rally at a lumberyard in Florida.
Obama had a crowd of a hundred thousand in Denver the other day and
a week before the election McCain is speaking before a hundred guys in Florida
with toolbelts and visible buttcracks. And all of them thinking the same thing –
“How do I get a shot at laying some pipe into Cindy McCain?”
Sarah Palin gave a speech on energy policy this morning where she said
we need to build 45 more nuclear power plants. Actually she said 45
“nuke-u-ler” power plants. Hey, crazy lady, if you can’t fucking say it you
can’t fucking build it!!!
Palin did say what she’d do with the nuclear waste generated by those
45 “nuke-u-ler” power plants she wants to build.And she listed – New York,
San Francisco, Washington, D.C…
Showing posts with label John McCain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label John McCain. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Everything Matters - 10/21/08 - Xmas Sing-Along Edition
John McCain has said that if/WHEN he loses that "he has a great life" and he'll simply go back to Arizona. Well, here's the Xmas carol we want the whole McCain clan to sing on Xmas eve around the Yule log - a carol specifically designed to go over just how poorly his campaign was run.
The 12 Days of John McCain’s Christmas
On the first day of xmas the campaign gave to me a bad joke as a V.P.
On the 2nd day of xmas the campaign gave to me 2 voter frauds
On the 3rd day of xmas the campaign gave to me 3 bill ayers
On the 4th day of xmas the campaign gave to me 4 facial tics
On the 5th day of xmas the campaign gave to me 5 robo calls
On the 6th day of xmas the campaign gave to me 6 banks a-closing
On the 7th day of xmas the campaign gave to me 7 senate seats lost
On the 8th day of xmass the campaign gave to me 8 town halls missing
On the 9th day of xmas the campaign gave to me 9 we’re all georgians
On the 10th day of xmas the campaign gave to me 10 blue states once red
On the 11th day of xmas the campaign gave to me 11 pundits switching
On the 12th day of xmas the campaign gave to me 12 joe the plumbers
The 12 Days of John McCain’s Christmas
On the first day of xmas the campaign gave to me a bad joke as a V.P.
On the 2nd day of xmas the campaign gave to me 2 voter frauds
On the 3rd day of xmas the campaign gave to me 3 bill ayers
On the 4th day of xmas the campaign gave to me 4 facial tics
On the 5th day of xmas the campaign gave to me 5 robo calls
On the 6th day of xmas the campaign gave to me 6 banks a-closing
On the 7th day of xmas the campaign gave to me 7 senate seats lost
On the 8th day of xmass the campaign gave to me 8 town halls missing
On the 9th day of xmas the campaign gave to me 9 we’re all georgians
On the 10th day of xmas the campaign gave to me 10 blue states once red
On the 11th day of xmas the campaign gave to me 11 pundits switching
On the 12th day of xmas the campaign gave to me 12 joe the plumbers
Monday, October 20, 2008
Everything Matters - 10/20/08 - Evening Edition
After a front page report in the New York Times, the McCain campaign is releasing more of the candidate’s medical records. They’re doing so chronologically. So far we know McCain had measles when he was 6, mumps when he was 7 and he survived the Black Plague in 1348.
McCain’s endgame for his campaign is to endlessly repeat the words – socialist, terrorist, Muslim and baby-killer. The Yaser Arafat estate tried to get a cease and desist order against McCain, claiming that Arafat’s reputation as the world’s most famous socialist, terrorist, Muslim baby-killer was being damaged.
The Taliban stopped a bus in southern Afghanistan and beheaded as many as 30 passengers. The Taliban left notes for the international media, they sent videos to
the international media, and they broadcast tapes of the murders.
John McCain blamed Barack Obama.
This year’s World Series is a match-up between the Philadelphia Phillies and
the Tampa Rays. Phillies is urban slang for a marijuana cigarette and Tampa is
well-known as a cigar-making city. So it’s basically the Up in Smoke Series –
Cheech and Chong vs. Garcia y Vega. Or simpler, homegrown vs. subsidized.
McCain’s endgame for his campaign is to endlessly repeat the words – socialist, terrorist, Muslim and baby-killer. The Yaser Arafat estate tried to get a cease and desist order against McCain, claiming that Arafat’s reputation as the world’s most famous socialist, terrorist, Muslim baby-killer was being damaged.
The Taliban stopped a bus in southern Afghanistan and beheaded as many as 30 passengers. The Taliban left notes for the international media, they sent videos to
the international media, and they broadcast tapes of the murders.
John McCain blamed Barack Obama.
This year’s World Series is a match-up between the Philadelphia Phillies and
the Tampa Rays. Phillies is urban slang for a marijuana cigarette and Tampa is
well-known as a cigar-making city. So it’s basically the Up in Smoke Series –
Cheech and Chong vs. Garcia y Vega. Or simpler, homegrown vs. subsidized.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Everything Matters - 10/15/08 - After Lunch Edition
The polls say that McCain is hurting his chances by only using attacks. All Obama has to do tonight to win the debate and blow McCain away – utter the two magic words – “Duck season.” McCain will come back with “Rabbit season” and on into the night and the debate and the election are lost!!!
McCain says that he’s the more experienced, he’ll have “the steady hand on the tiller.” Don’t think I want this bozo steering the ship of state? This is the Navy flier who crashed two planes before he even got to VietNam.
And what’s with McCain’s “steady hand on the tiller” crap? We’ve seen our retirement income disappear and Wall Street collapse after 8 years of Republicans. Republicans never mean a “steady hand on the tiller”, they mean a “steady hand IN the till!”
The McCain campaign is now paying for robocalls to folks in North Carolina, Missouri, Colorado and Wisconsin slamming Obama’s patriotism and saying that he puts Hollywood above America. When I hear the word “robocall” the first thing I think
of is Robocop which was a pretty damn good Hollywood movie. And the bad guys in Robocop were big-shot businessmen.
Kind of like today. Hey, Hollywood’s not so bad. I’m voting for Obama.
McCain says that he’s the more experienced, he’ll have “the steady hand on the tiller.” Don’t think I want this bozo steering the ship of state? This is the Navy flier who crashed two planes before he even got to VietNam.
And what’s with McCain’s “steady hand on the tiller” crap? We’ve seen our retirement income disappear and Wall Street collapse after 8 years of Republicans. Republicans never mean a “steady hand on the tiller”, they mean a “steady hand IN the till!”
The McCain campaign is now paying for robocalls to folks in North Carolina, Missouri, Colorado and Wisconsin slamming Obama’s patriotism and saying that he puts Hollywood above America. When I hear the word “robocall” the first thing I think
of is Robocop which was a pretty damn good Hollywood movie. And the bad guys in Robocop were big-shot businessmen.
Kind of like today. Hey, Hollywood’s not so bad. I’m voting for Obama.
Everything Matters - 10/15/08 - Lunchtime Edition
Dick Cheney was headed to the hospital this morning to “restore his normal heart rhythm.” No truth to the rumor that he was accompanied by weapons manufacturer Tony Stark.
Dick Cheney is off to the hospital today to “restore his normal heart rhythm.” Most leading doctors told him they couldn’t help him with his heart problem… said he’d have to consult first with a certain Doctor Wizard in Oz.
McCain went on record today about possible voter fraud in Florida. He said that ACORN has registered Mickey Mouse to vote. Hey genius, ever been to Orlando? Disney World? Not only is Mickey registered to vote, he’s the fucking Mayor!
There are Obama for President ads in the latest Xbox 360 games out on the market. To counter this futuristic move, the McCain campaign is buying space in the new Sears and Roebuck catalog which will feature McCain wearing “long pants”;
John McCain will be meeting both Buster Brown and Buck Rogers in this Sunday’s comics;
and lastly, they’re coming out with a two-page chromolithograph suitable for framing of an heroic McCain fighting off the Sioux at the Battle of the Little Big Horn.
Dick Cheney is off to the hospital today to “restore his normal heart rhythm.” Most leading doctors told him they couldn’t help him with his heart problem… said he’d have to consult first with a certain Doctor Wizard in Oz.
McCain went on record today about possible voter fraud in Florida. He said that ACORN has registered Mickey Mouse to vote. Hey genius, ever been to Orlando? Disney World? Not only is Mickey registered to vote, he’s the fucking Mayor!
There are Obama for President ads in the latest Xbox 360 games out on the market. To counter this futuristic move, the McCain campaign is buying space in the new Sears and Roebuck catalog which will feature McCain wearing “long pants”;
John McCain will be meeting both Buster Brown and Buck Rogers in this Sunday’s comics;
and lastly, they’re coming out with a two-page chromolithograph suitable for framing of an heroic McCain fighting off the Sioux at the Battle of the Little Big Horn.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Everything Matters - 10/14/08 - Late Lunch Edition
The McCains are perfect for each other – when it comes to Ayers, she puts them on and he talks of nothing but.
McCain today compared Barack Obama to Herbert Hoover, the Republican President at the start of the Great Depression, forgetting that George Bush is the Republican President at the start of this Depression. Other things McCain forgot today – any numbers after seven, what pizza tastes like, and the name of “that guy with the hair” on Seinfeld.
Have any scientists noticed that global warming is affecting all the Earth’s polar ice except the massive frigid glacier that is Cindy McCain?
You do know that John McCain, famous for his temper, recently called his wife Cindy the C-word? Yes, if Hemingway were alive he’d be rewriting The Old Man and the C? The story’s the same – an old man in search of younger tail.
Nice to see all the make-up that Cindy McCain puts on her face each day. Did you know the colors of her make-up can change when she senses danger?
Today John McCain unveiled his long-awaited economic plan. He’s going to have 11 families of celebrities live in whichever of his houses he and Cindy aren’t in at the moment. His plan is called Who Cares: I Married a Hundred Million Dollars!
McCain today compared Barack Obama to Herbert Hoover, the Republican President at the start of the Great Depression, forgetting that George Bush is the Republican President at the start of this Depression. Other things McCain forgot today – any numbers after seven, what pizza tastes like, and the name of “that guy with the hair” on Seinfeld.
Have any scientists noticed that global warming is affecting all the Earth’s polar ice except the massive frigid glacier that is Cindy McCain?
You do know that John McCain, famous for his temper, recently called his wife Cindy the C-word? Yes, if Hemingway were alive he’d be rewriting The Old Man and the C? The story’s the same – an old man in search of younger tail.
Nice to see all the make-up that Cindy McCain puts on her face each day. Did you know the colors of her make-up can change when she senses danger?
Today John McCain unveiled his long-awaited economic plan. He’s going to have 11 families of celebrities live in whichever of his houses he and Cindy aren’t in at the moment. His plan is called Who Cares: I Married a Hundred Million Dollars!
Friday, October 10, 2008
Everything Matters - 10/10/08 - Morning Edition
A Sarah Palin Haiku:
Palin on Newsweek
Can't airbrush in or retouch
Sorely lacking soul
A Republican ticket haiku:
McCain P.O.W.
Sarah Palin wingnut MILF
Acronyms from Hell
The McCain-Palin campaign issued a report that has exonerated Sarah Palin in the Alaskan Troopergate scandal. At the same time they've issued a report which blames Senator Obama for the attack on Pearl Harbor, the Spanish Inquisition, and the Cubs abject failure in the 2008 NL Divisional Series.
A 2008 Campaign Biblical Haiku
And lo, John Mc-Cain
Is so clearly un-Abel
Don't let him play God
Palin on Newsweek
Can't airbrush in or retouch
Sorely lacking soul
A Republican ticket haiku:
McCain P.O.W.
Sarah Palin wingnut MILF
Acronyms from Hell
The McCain-Palin campaign issued a report that has exonerated Sarah Palin in the Alaskan Troopergate scandal. At the same time they've issued a report which blames Senator Obama for the attack on Pearl Harbor, the Spanish Inquisition, and the Cubs abject failure in the 2008 NL Divisional Series.
A 2008 Campaign Biblical Haiku
And lo, John Mc-Cain
Is so clearly un-Abel
Don't let him play God
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Everything Matters - 10/9/08 - Lunchtime Edition
The first country to fall in the wake of the global financial meltdown is Iceland. The Icelandic government announced today that they were going bankrupt. They said their problems began a thousand years ago when their real estate investment
in Vinland didn’t pay off.
McCain said today that he was forced to go negative because Obama wouldn’t agree
to 10 town hall meetings. He was forced! This has now become the Bush rationale
for waterboarding and other forms of torture. The terrorist captives wouldn’t agree
to ten town hall meetings. We were forced to torture them!
Cindy McCain attacked Obama by saying his vote on a troop funding measure sent a cold chill through her body. Considering the Ice Princess has a standard body temperature of about 10 below zero, how could she tell?
Cindy McCain went to Alaska to campaign for Sarah Palin and won the
State Fair award for Best Ice Sculpture.
The Republican Party keeps saying that McCain’s use of the term “that one” at the debate has no racial subtext. Interesting. In other news, Mississippi and Alabama have revealed the design of their Presidential ballots. It’s lists McCain as the Republican nominee and That One as the Democratic.
in Vinland didn’t pay off.
McCain said today that he was forced to go negative because Obama wouldn’t agree
to 10 town hall meetings. He was forced! This has now become the Bush rationale
for waterboarding and other forms of torture. The terrorist captives wouldn’t agree
to ten town hall meetings. We were forced to torture them!
Cindy McCain attacked Obama by saying his vote on a troop funding measure sent a cold chill through her body. Considering the Ice Princess has a standard body temperature of about 10 below zero, how could she tell?
Cindy McCain went to Alaska to campaign for Sarah Palin and won the
State Fair award for Best Ice Sculpture.
The Republican Party keeps saying that McCain’s use of the term “that one” at the debate has no racial subtext. Interesting. In other news, Mississippi and Alabama have revealed the design of their Presidential ballots. It’s lists McCain as the Republican nominee and That One as the Democratic.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Everything Matters - 10/8/08 - Afternoon Edition
So the Daily News reports that John McCain is taking a supplement that folks with Alzheimer’s and senile dementia are taking. Nice. The bad news is he’s taking it. The good news is that he’s remembering to.
A lot of to-do over the fact that McCain referred to Obama as “that one” last night at the debate. Not that bad. Considering that during his debate practice he kept referring to Obama as Kid Chocolate, Mandingo-bama, and M.C. Bama, the Illest
man in Illlinois, “that one” isn’t that bad.
At McCain-Palin events in the past few days audience members have screamed out “terrorist”, “treason”, and “kill him” when Obama’s name has been mentioned. The amazing thing is they yell out the same epithets when Jim Belushi’s name is mentioned.
Today, Conservative columnist for the New York Times, David Brooks, said that “Sarah Palin represents a fatal cancer to the Republican party.” The Republican party, much like it’s Presidential nominee John McCain refused to reveal its medical records.
John McCain’s economic plan at last night’s debate was to buy up lots of bad mortgage debt. Which is what the recently passed 700 billion dollar bailout is going to do. Later his campaign also announced that McCain is against slavery in
the Missouri Territory and would argue strenuously to repeal Prohibition.
And a great new Everything Matters YouTube video from the Obama rally in Asheville, NC on 10/5/08
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dr03WpZdhJo
Enjoy.
A lot of to-do over the fact that McCain referred to Obama as “that one” last night at the debate. Not that bad. Considering that during his debate practice he kept referring to Obama as Kid Chocolate, Mandingo-bama, and M.C. Bama, the Illest
man in Illlinois, “that one” isn’t that bad.
At McCain-Palin events in the past few days audience members have screamed out “terrorist”, “treason”, and “kill him” when Obama’s name has been mentioned. The amazing thing is they yell out the same epithets when Jim Belushi’s name is mentioned.
Today, Conservative columnist for the New York Times, David Brooks, said that “Sarah Palin represents a fatal cancer to the Republican party.” The Republican party, much like it’s Presidential nominee John McCain refused to reveal its medical records.
John McCain’s economic plan at last night’s debate was to buy up lots of bad mortgage debt. Which is what the recently passed 700 billion dollar bailout is going to do. Later his campaign also announced that McCain is against slavery in
the Missouri Territory and would argue strenuously to repeal Prohibition.
And a great new Everything Matters YouTube video from the Obama rally in Asheville, NC on 10/5/08
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dr03WpZdhJo
Enjoy.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Everything Matters - 9/29/08 - Late Night Edition pt. 2 - Predictions
I predict that Thursday's Vice-Presidential debate will not happen because Sarah Palin will not be there. The reasons for her non-appearance -
Bristol's water will break and the concerned mother and grandmother will rush to her side;
a moose will die outside the debate hall and need to be field dressed and butchered for freezing;
she's just too fucking dumb and she believes McCain when he says he'll Google-Map the directions for her and he's never used Google;
to show her support for Israel she's still celebrating Rosh Hashanah (even though the all-important first two nights are over);
she will be back in Alaska watching for the giant head of Vladimir Putin read his head over the Bering Straits;
she will be arrested for attempting to kill Katie Couric... and Tina Fey... and every other woman in America who is smarter than her.
I predict that John McCain will invade both Iran and Pakistan on January 21st, 2009. Whether he is President or not!
I predict that Sarah Palin, in an appeal to the evangelical base, will announce that her daughter Bristol and her baby-daddy Levi Johnston, will name their baby if it is a boy, Matthew Mark Luke and John-ston. And if it is a girl they will name the baby My Mom Made Me Have This Johnston.
I predict that oil billionaire T. Boone Pickens will pull a Montgomery Burns and rather than blot out the sun so we can't go solar will simply buy the wind.
And I predict that Todd Palin will never, ever, ever get another blow job.
Bristol's water will break and the concerned mother and grandmother will rush to her side;
a moose will die outside the debate hall and need to be field dressed and butchered for freezing;
she's just too fucking dumb and she believes McCain when he says he'll Google-Map the directions for her and he's never used Google;
to show her support for Israel she's still celebrating Rosh Hashanah (even though the all-important first two nights are over);
she will be back in Alaska watching for the giant head of Vladimir Putin read his head over the Bering Straits;
she will be arrested for attempting to kill Katie Couric... and Tina Fey... and every other woman in America who is smarter than her.
I predict that John McCain will invade both Iran and Pakistan on January 21st, 2009. Whether he is President or not!
I predict that Sarah Palin, in an appeal to the evangelical base, will announce that her daughter Bristol and her baby-daddy Levi Johnston, will name their baby if it is a boy, Matthew Mark Luke and John-ston. And if it is a girl they will name the baby My Mom Made Me Have This Johnston.
I predict that oil billionaire T. Boone Pickens will pull a Montgomery Burns and rather than blot out the sun so we can't go solar will simply buy the wind.
And I predict that Todd Palin will never, ever, ever get another blow job.
Everything Matters - 9/29/08 - Late Night Edition
So Congressman Roy Blunt, a Republican from Missouri said that the economic bailout bill didn’t pass the House today because they had to rush the bill and its details because of the Jewish Holidays. Roy Blunt, Republican Congressman from Missouri, the Show-Me state…show me anti-Semitism!!!
The John McCain automatic speech writer – first you say the terrible thing that Obama did. And then you say “but America needs our help so we should never lower ourselves to talk about this”. Here’s an example: “Some have said that Obama drinks the blood of middle school virgins. But we should never let his dietary habits intrude upon the seriousness of the Presidential election.” It works for everything – “Obama was seen in a Japanese Zero in the skies above Pearl Harbor on December 7th, 1941. But the events of almost 70 years ago should never enter into the election process.”
Congressman Price from Georgia just said that he’d support a bailout bill if it included a reduction of capital gains taxes. That’s all the republicans want – more financial help for rich, white people. Lower capital gains taxes! Most Americans don’t have capital or gains!!!
ABC news said that with the wall street down almost 800 points today after the bailout failed in Congress, Americans lost 1.1 trillion dollars in the market today. I gotta tell you; if I find 1.1 dollars in the market, I’m fucking keeping it!!!
NASA announced today that it is snowing on Mars. And President Bush said that if the snowstorm on Mars gets any worse, FEMA will be there in about 87 years.
The stock market today finished lower than it was the day Bush was inaugurated.
Remember when he said he was a uniter, not a divider? Actually he’s both; he’s united both parties against him and divided all of us from our money. Actually, he’s not a uniter or a divider… he’s just a dick.
The John McCain automatic speech writer – first you say the terrible thing that Obama did. And then you say “but America needs our help so we should never lower ourselves to talk about this”. Here’s an example: “Some have said that Obama drinks the blood of middle school virgins. But we should never let his dietary habits intrude upon the seriousness of the Presidential election.” It works for everything – “Obama was seen in a Japanese Zero in the skies above Pearl Harbor on December 7th, 1941. But the events of almost 70 years ago should never enter into the election process.”
Congressman Price from Georgia just said that he’d support a bailout bill if it included a reduction of capital gains taxes. That’s all the republicans want – more financial help for rich, white people. Lower capital gains taxes! Most Americans don’t have capital or gains!!!
ABC news said that with the wall street down almost 800 points today after the bailout failed in Congress, Americans lost 1.1 trillion dollars in the market today. I gotta tell you; if I find 1.1 dollars in the market, I’m fucking keeping it!!!
NASA announced today that it is snowing on Mars. And President Bush said that if the snowstorm on Mars gets any worse, FEMA will be there in about 87 years.
The stock market today finished lower than it was the day Bush was inaugurated.
Remember when he said he was a uniter, not a divider? Actually he’s both; he’s united both parties against him and divided all of us from our money. Actually, he’s not a uniter or a divider… he’s just a dick.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Everything Matters - 9/27-9/28/08 - Late Night Edition
After last night’s performance at the first Presidential debate, John McCain is taking a lot of heat for not ever looking directly at Barack Obama. Give him a break. After years of opposition to regulatory oversight, McCain is not used to looking at anything too closely.
During the debate McCain made a big show of using the word “festooned.” Trying to win the votes of the vast number of undecided archaic word freaks, McCain then accused Obama of “ruthlessly pricking his gonfalon bubble”.
Last night at the debate John McCain never used the words “middle class” or the words “working people”. Not only didn’t he say them, he’s never met them either.
So at the debate last night John McCain didn’t use the words “middle class” or “working people” but he did use the word “festooned”. Great. The Republicans are running a man from the early 20th century using a word from the 19th century to try
to lead us into the 21st century.
At the debate McCain quoted Winston Churchill but didn’t give him credit; he made up a story about Dwight D. Eisenhower; and he mentioned something about Alexander the Great. To put aside any fears that he was out of touch and out of date, at the end of the debate McCain did sing the theme song from The Jeffersons while doing the Mashed Potato.
The first Presidential debate was held last night at the University of Mississippi, commonly called Ole Miss, which is also John McCain’s nickname for his first wife.
Just for the sake of nostalgia, last night at the first Presidential debate, the University of Mississippi had two doors to the stage – one door said Barack Obama and the other said White People.
The University of Mississippi just can’t seem to get its head around the way we live today. The official program for the Presidential debate last night at Ole Miss called it The Presidential Debate and Minstrel Show. And the pre-debate warm-up was Michelle and Barack Obama performing as the Tap-Dancing Ethiops.
Did anyone notice that John McCain’s eyes were so fully dilated last night at the debate that they looked like little black buttons instead of eyes? Eye doctors say this may be a sign of a permanent state of arousal. Great, McCain won’t release his medical records because he doesn’t want us to know he’s got an IV drip of Viagra going 24/7.
Or his eyes really are little black buttons and John McCain is really a snowman.
Terrible news out of China. As of yesterday, 53,000 children have been sickened by drinking tainted milk. And an hour after this report, 53,000 children were again sickened by drinking tainted milk.
The Chinese government is trying to put a good face on the fact that 53,000 children have been sickened by drinking tainted milk. The government announced today that none of the children has gotten sick by drinking milk at a school built before the recent earthquake.
When John McCain was told that Somali pirates had seized a Ukrainian freighter off the coast of Kenya his first reaction was to say, “Let’s see how this plays out. We may need those pirates to defeat the Spanish Armada.”
Let’s see, Somali pirates have seized a Ukrainian ship headed to Kenya with 30 million dollars worth of grenade launchers, ammunition and battle tanks. No, this is not level 3 of some video game. Somali pirates have really seized a Ukrainian ship headed to Kenya with 30 million dollars worth of grenade launchers, ammunition and battle tanks. They are, however, demanding 30 million dollars and the codes to get to level 7.
Every article about the Jonas Brothers talks about their vow of chastity until marriage and the fact that they all wear “promise rings” to show this to their fans. What isn’t said is how many millions of young fans are wearing similar rings that symbolize the fact that they promise they will never, ever have sex with any of the Jonas Brothers.
During the debate McCain made a big show of using the word “festooned.” Trying to win the votes of the vast number of undecided archaic word freaks, McCain then accused Obama of “ruthlessly pricking his gonfalon bubble”.
Last night at the debate John McCain never used the words “middle class” or the words “working people”. Not only didn’t he say them, he’s never met them either.
So at the debate last night John McCain didn’t use the words “middle class” or “working people” but he did use the word “festooned”. Great. The Republicans are running a man from the early 20th century using a word from the 19th century to try
to lead us into the 21st century.
At the debate McCain quoted Winston Churchill but didn’t give him credit; he made up a story about Dwight D. Eisenhower; and he mentioned something about Alexander the Great. To put aside any fears that he was out of touch and out of date, at the end of the debate McCain did sing the theme song from The Jeffersons while doing the Mashed Potato.
The first Presidential debate was held last night at the University of Mississippi, commonly called Ole Miss, which is also John McCain’s nickname for his first wife.
Just for the sake of nostalgia, last night at the first Presidential debate, the University of Mississippi had two doors to the stage – one door said Barack Obama and the other said White People.
The University of Mississippi just can’t seem to get its head around the way we live today. The official program for the Presidential debate last night at Ole Miss called it The Presidential Debate and Minstrel Show. And the pre-debate warm-up was Michelle and Barack Obama performing as the Tap-Dancing Ethiops.
Did anyone notice that John McCain’s eyes were so fully dilated last night at the debate that they looked like little black buttons instead of eyes? Eye doctors say this may be a sign of a permanent state of arousal. Great, McCain won’t release his medical records because he doesn’t want us to know he’s got an IV drip of Viagra going 24/7.
Or his eyes really are little black buttons and John McCain is really a snowman.
Terrible news out of China. As of yesterday, 53,000 children have been sickened by drinking tainted milk. And an hour after this report, 53,000 children were again sickened by drinking tainted milk.
The Chinese government is trying to put a good face on the fact that 53,000 children have been sickened by drinking tainted milk. The government announced today that none of the children has gotten sick by drinking milk at a school built before the recent earthquake.
When John McCain was told that Somali pirates had seized a Ukrainian freighter off the coast of Kenya his first reaction was to say, “Let’s see how this plays out. We may need those pirates to defeat the Spanish Armada.”
Let’s see, Somali pirates have seized a Ukrainian ship headed to Kenya with 30 million dollars worth of grenade launchers, ammunition and battle tanks. No, this is not level 3 of some video game. Somali pirates have really seized a Ukrainian ship headed to Kenya with 30 million dollars worth of grenade launchers, ammunition and battle tanks. They are, however, demanding 30 million dollars and the codes to get to level 7.
Every article about the Jonas Brothers talks about their vow of chastity until marriage and the fact that they all wear “promise rings” to show this to their fans. What isn’t said is how many millions of young fans are wearing similar rings that symbolize the fact that they promise they will never, ever have sex with any of the Jonas Brothers.
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