Everything Matters -2/18/09 - After Lunch Edition

Everything Matters – 2/18/09 – After Lunch Edition

So let’s see – the New York Post, a right-wing tabloid run by human shar-pei Rupert Murdoch, ran an editorial cartoon today -
which showed a chimpanzee laying in his own blood, dead on the ground, two bullet holes in him. One cop says to the other (the one with the smoking gun who did the shooting) –
“They’ll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill.”

In how many ways is this supposed editorial cartoon horrifically racist and wrong (and thus, in how many ways is it perfectly acceptable to the base base of the Republican party – the evangelical fringe ex-Confederate states with some mountain state anti-tax craziness thrown in for good measure):

1) The Post is not just calling President Barack Obama,
a biracial man with an African father, a chimpanzee,
they are fucking drawing it!
2) The Post is advocating, clearly, the murder of the President of the United States.
3) Yes, the Post will hide behind their denial by saying that the cartoon simply shows the dead chimp representing the Democratically led Congress and Senate since they are the ones who wrote the stimulus bill. While this can not be believed by any thinking person (and thus, no Republican) this means the Post is advocating the murder of Democrats in the House and Senate.
4) The two white cops are drawn as weird big-nosed morons. Right-wingers love to say they are all for law and order. This portrayal of two of “the finest” shows their utter contempt for the folks who actually do the job.
5) And just to remind you, the Post is advocating, clearly, the murder of Barack Obama, the President of the United States.

Added to the ludicrousness of the cartoon is the front page itself. At such a critical, pivotal time in our nation’s history, the Post has three main stories on its front page – 2 mil in NYC money to pay off a drunk who fell in the subway; the major newsworthy revelation as to why the chimp in Connecticut went berserk; and of course, the major human interest story
of the day – sexy Jen Aniston’s b-day kiss. Quite a feat of world-class journalism.


The only way this front page could possibly be any better would be if: A drunken Jen Aniston, after a hard night of birthday partying, decided to show her street cred by using public transportation and was impregnated by the berserk chimp on the #4 Woodlawn-Jerome line and the City of New York had to pony up millions after she gave birth to eight hair-tossing babies, but still realizing her lifelong dream of motherhood and forever being known as Jennifer Aniston, Octo-Chimpo-Mom.

And Rupert’s got enough money; don’t think he can’t make that happen.


Roland Burris, the man appointed to the U.S. Senate by disgraced poetry-spouting lunatic, ex-Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, should be forced to resign soon.
This from the Chicago tribune Editorial Board - Let’s see if we have it right: Burris had zero contact with any of Gov. Rod Blagojevich’s cronies about his interest in the Senate seat being vacated by President Barack Obama— unless you count that conversation with former chief of staff Lon Monk, and, on further reflection, the ones with insiders John Harris, Doug Scofield and John Wyma and, oh yeah, the governor’s brother and fund-raising chief, Robert Blagojevich. But Burris didn’t raise a single dollar for the now ex-governor as a result of those contacts because that could be construed as a quid pro quo and besides, everyone he asked refused to donate.
On his way out of office, Blagojevich quoted Kipling and compared himself to Mother Theresa and Gandhi.
Burris can make it easy on all of us if he just says, “You’re right, I’m outta here. At least I didn’t do steroids.”

Thanks A-Rod. Who knew that major league baseball and the lure of multi-million dollar salaries was the gateway drug to steroids?
And that also means there’s no way I’m allowing any kid of mine to enter the world of competitive swimming. Who knew that competitive swimming, at
an extremely high level, was the gateway to marijuana use?
Phelps, who at 23 is young and naïve (has he ever taken a picture without his mouth open and a goofy, doofus look on his face) didn’t use the excuse of being young and naïve nearly as much as A-Rod WHO WAS 25-26-AND 27 WHEN HE COPPED TO INJECTING STEROIDS INTO HIS OWN ASS!!! Oh, excuse me, COPPED TO HAVING HIS DOMINICAN COUSIN INJECT STEROIDS INTO HIS ASS!!!

Fuck the War on Drugs? All that government money should be going to the
War on the Little League?
And what about the 103 other positive drug tests that have yet to be revealed from 2003 in major league baseball? Drug use is so rampant in baseball, imagine the guys from Trainspotting being able to hit the curveball.

President Obama is in Phoenix today offering his fix to the housing and foreclosure crisis which he says will keep over 9 million people from losing
their homes. Phoenix is in the Valley of the Sun, which got its name from
the fact that with over 40,000 foreclosed homes in the last year, the city now has as many people living outdoors as indoors. Senator John McCain, cranky election loser, doesn’t have to worry. He has 11 homes, or make that 12 now that good Republican wife Cindy just had another one built out of Xanax and Botox.

The Press loves a feel-good story. Mickey Rourke’s dog dies and the headlines read: Mickey Rourke’s beloved Loki dies. And we feel sorry for him and Loki, as we should. But you know that before his comeback triumph in The Wrestler the headline would’ve read: Jobless Bum Mickey Rourke kills his own dog and eats it.

Sarah Palin’s finally going to pay the back taxes she owes the state of Alaska for the per-diem money she billed them for travel and expenses when she simply stayed home. Too bad. By paying her taxes she can never be a member of Obama’s cabinet.

Let me be the first to say it and it makes Octo-Mom Nadya Suleman’s bat-shit crazy story even bat-shit crazier – I’M SAYING HER SPERM DONOR,
THIS MYTHICAL UNKNOWN “DAVID SOLOMON” IS HER FATHER, DOUD SULEMAN… WHICH, BY THE WAY IS THE ARABIC/ARABICIZED VERSION OF, YEP, YOU GUESSED IT,
DAVID SOLOMON!!!!! DOUD SULEMAN = DAVID SOLOMON.
Please, somebody do a DNA test of the grandfather and the babies.

Nadya wants to be a TV expert on child-rearing. I can see her first piece – “The first two things all you young mothers out there are going to need – a ridiculously high litter of children AND A REALLY BIG SHOE TO LIVE IN.”

The Octo-Mom grandparents are not sticking around. The grandpa is going back to
work in Iraq; he’d rather face roadside bombs than 14 kids in a 3 bedroom house.
And the grandma is going to visit relatives in Europe. Yes, America, that shining beacon of democracy and opportunity and frozen embryos is not where they want to be right now.