25 THINGS ABOUT ME THAT FACEBOOK NOW OWNS

25 Things About Me That Facebook Now Owns

(Or Would Own if they didn’t go back to their old policy of not owning them)
(some tangible, some just memories…)

1. any and all social security benefits (I’m at the tail-end of the generation that
still might get them)
2. all those pictures in those big plastic tubs of dead relatives I don’t know the names of
3. my love and pride when I just think of my daughter chloe or my son danny
4. 3 giant sized containers of montreal steak seasoning (at Costco I always assume
I need this)
5. 2 tickets to see Bruce in Atlanta on April 26th (at least can I go with Facebook?)
6. all those wonderful memories of a young me and the young her I met at the NYU bookstore all those years ago
7. any recollection of game 7 of the knicks championship victory over the lakers; the famous “willis is going to play” game. I WAS THERE!
8. the taste of my mother’s “sliced meat” – I didn’t know it was just “pot roast” until I was about 35
9. my all-time favorite song, The Way You Look Tonight, sung by Sinatra
10. my 3 favorite movies of all-time, genres be damned – The Philadelphia Story,
The Magnificent Seven, and Trainspotting
11. and the Big Lebowski
12. the memory of the first time I saw daphne – she was being kissed by jack marion
13. the time I got Alfred kicked out of yankee stadium cause I was throwing stuff from the upper deck down at frank robinson of the orioles after he clearly DID NOT CATCH roy white’s game-winning homer
14. the small nostril-sized vicks nasal inhaler that my brother Harvey used to stick in my nose and hold it in what we called, pre-cheney, “the torture”
15. every issue of the believer magazine and the first 7 of the national lampoon when it was fucking funny
16. my father’s ashes and his recipe for “roskas”
17. 4 containers of Tropicana orange-tangerine juice
18. my mother telling me we won’t drink minute maid because Bing Crosby is a major shareholder and he does their commercials and he beats his kids and he’s an anti-semite
19. at 19, 2 weeks in the tuolomne meadows in a tent in Yosemite with a gorgeous girl from rolling hills estates, California
20. the great pleasure I took in closing the door of E-124 and talking with the kids about anything and everything
21. the one fork from my mother with the bent tine that I use to beat the eggs
22. my bacon-of-the-month club certificate and how shana doubled my cholestrol
23. I have seen every super bowl and now so has facebook
24. Walton ford, alex gross, mark ryden and r. crumb on my walls
25. late-night dinners and conversation at terroni on beverly