Saturday, October 4, 2008

Everything Matters - 10/4/08 - Late Afternoon Edition

This just in – Philosopher George Santayana rolled over in his grave during the Vice-Presidential debate and sent this updated version of his famous maxim – “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to be Sarah Palin.”

Sarah Palin emphatically said that John McCain knows how to win wars. 5 years as a guest of the VietCong isn’t exactly winning. Oh, he’s counting the times they’ve played Risk.

McCain last week said that he’s consulted Sarah Palin “many times” on foreign policy. Let’s see – they’ve known each other about 6 weeks, she’s been to 2 countries that aren’t ours and she lives next door to Russia. McCain also announced that he’s consulting through a séance, the spirit of Anna Nicole Smith for help with the economy.

That 3rd grade class that Palin gave a shout-out to at the debate… They’ve learned their lessons well from her. They’re refusing to answer any questions their teachers are asking, preferring to just go to their talking points. When asked to multiply 7 by 36, little 3rd grader Nevaeh Beaumont said, “That plan is just a white flag of surrender.”

When told that the bailout of Wall Street would cost every man, woman and child in America about 2,300 dollars, John McCain said “And I bet Obama taxes that.” When told that the 2,300 dollars wasn’t really theirs to being with, McCain said,
“The Democratic plan to tax non-existing money is reprehensible.” When told he was still confused on the issue, McCain said, “That Jeter’s a hell of a shortstop.”

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