Everything Matters - 9/17/08

Carly Fiorina, the executive who ran Hewlett-Packard into the ground AND a McCain economic advisor, said yesterday that neither McCain nor Sarah Palin could run a Fortune 500 company. Based on the disappearing stock market with companies disappearing or being bailed out by the Bush administration, pretty soon the question will be, "Could they run a Fortune 200 company? Fortune 50?, Fortune 17?"

Let's see: McCain's 3 top economic advisors are Phil Gramm, the man most responsible for deregulation and thus the financial crisis we are in now; Carly Fiorina, the CEO who almost destroyed Hewlett-Packard; and John Thuin, the CEO of Merrill Lynch who was in charge when after 80+ yeaars Merrill went belly-up and had to sell itself. Consider the odds of having 7 dwarves and three of them are Dopey!!!

Phil Gramm is also the guy who when watching the middle class disappear and Wall Street implode referred to Americans worried about the economy as "a nation of whiners". Today the nation of whiners will be demonstrating outside of Phil Gramm's house and they now wish to be known as "A nation of whiners now armed with baseball bats."

John McCain has repeatedly said that "the fundamentals of the economy are strong". He said it the day Wall Street sufferedd its biggest one day loss since 9/11. In typical McCain fashion he has now retracted that statement and clarified it, saying he only meant "to put the fun back in fun-damentals."

Wall Street insurance giant AIG was bailed out by the federal government and now we, the US taxpayers, own about 80% of AIG. Wall Street is New Orleans without Katrina. Wall Street is Galveston, Texas without Ike. Basically the government bail-out program is like the movie Gremlins - as long as you or your city don't get wet, the Bush Administration will take care of you. Remember, don't get wet!!! Bad things happen when you get wet. Like the government forgets about you!!! (And of course, New Orleans also ate after midnight.)

Artist Damien Hirst had an art sale at the same time as the US and now global financial crisis and sold pieces of his work for over 200 million dollars. 200 million dollars!!! Most famous for putting an entire shark in formaldehyde, Hirst, no financial idiot, said in order to keep his profits from the sale safe he was not going to put them in a bank or any sort of financial instrument. He is simply going to put them inside a shark. Inside an even bigger shark.

In health news, the Amgen Corporation announced good results from a bone drug that strengthens bone density and keeps the spine stronger longer. Sadly the drug was not available for the Democratic Congress of 2006.

It's no secret that John McSame has co-opted Obama's mantra of change and now calls himself the candidate of change. When it comes to his 100 million dollar fortune, his 12 homes and his history as one of Washington's greatest de-regulators, the change McCain believes in for the rest of us is simply the change we have in our pockets!

McCain's losing it. Today he said that "with change you can use pay phones." He then added, "With change you can also use vending machines." And my favorite, "With great change comes great responsibility." When he was told that now he was simply paraphrasing Spiderman, McCain put on his serious face and said "For 5 and a half years I couldn't read Spiderman."

Interesting that the more Americans are being held hostage by the economy, the less John McCain mentions that he was a P.O.W.

It's the opposite for forgotten fascist Rudy Giuliani. Yesterday he blamed the Wall Street free-fall on 9/11. He also blamed 9/11 for Pearl Harbor, the sinking of the Maine, and the break-up of Chris Kattan's marriage.

And to quote Rudy, or Il Rudy as he prefers, "If Chris Kattan, who we know and love as Mango on Saturday Night Live, and his wife of six weeks don't get back together, the terrorists win!"

John McCain, trying to win the votes of at least ten black Americans, is now appearing in ads in the "community" as M C Cain, also know as Big Daddy M C Cain. The real Big Daddy Kane meanwhile was planning to start up a renewal of the famous East Coast-Arizona hip-hop feud.