Monday, September 22, 2008

Everything Matters - 9/22/08 - Early Morning Edition

The US Treasury's bailout of Wall Street was expected to cost 500 billion. They that was bumped to 700 billion. Now the number is up to 1.8 trillion. 500 billion. 700 billion. 1.8 trillion! Those aren't numbers; those are light-years!

Last night, the New York Yankees and the Baltimore Orioles played the last baseball game at Yankee Stadium. Upending tradition and taking a tip from Yogi Berra, the National Anthem was sung at the end of the game by Maria Serrano, a 385 pound resident of the Bronx.

The President of South Africa, Thabo Mbeki, has agreed to resign after his own party asked him to quit. In Washington, that cease-and-desist order I faxed to the White House seven years ago just isn't cutting it.

The first Presidential debate is this Friday and the Obama and McCain campaigns have agreed to an unusual, free-flowing format.
Taking advantage of this free flow, John McCain, trying to show off his rhyming skills and attract young voters, has spent the last few days trying to rhyme "surge" and "courage".

McCain's appeal to the young, urban voter won't work, considering he thinks "street cred" is the stuff on the soles of your Converse.

Trying to turn his negatives into positives and attract young voters, McCain's campaign admitted that their candidate does indeed have thirteen cars. Their press release on this subject stated that McCain has 4 more cars than Ludicrous and his blinged-out Crown Victoria beat Nas's solid platinum 700 series BMW in a recent episode of Pimp My Ride.

Yes, McCain even makes his cars into a patriotic plus when he says, "Yes, I do have 13 cars. One for each of the original 13 colonies." He then added that he is "still against that tax on Stamps" that King George is trying to make us pay.

The Palin-Biden Vice-Presidential debates will be much more structured, with few if any unfettered exchanges. As of now Sarah Palin will only take questions on how many children she has, her favorite color, and her favorite song from the movie Grease.

As her poll numbers have gone down and America sees that she has little, if any substance. the Republican Vice-Presidential candidates' name has now become Sarah Pal-in-significance.

The Bush Administration has balls. The proposal to Congress that the US Treasury bail out Wall Street and buy up to 700 billion dollars in mortgage-related assets came in at a whopping 3 pages. 3 pages! My iPhone bill last month was 37 pages. True, it was close to 700 billion, but that was with texting.

I love that after Bush announces we need 700 billion to rescue Wall Street and the American economy he meets with Alvaro Uribe, the President of Columbia. Let's see, to put 700 billion dollars in Columbian terms, imagine if the entire state of Virginia was made of cocaine.

Bush is shameless. He called the agreement he signed with the Columbian President the "Arms for Blow" deal. Here's the deal - we give Columbia advanced weapons systems and we get thousands of metric tons of "not baby powder".

1 comment:

suZLew said...

The sky is falling, neck deep buried alive in rock bottom, fighting for breath amidst flooding Shit Creek waters with the occasional paddle whack in the face and upside the head. Oh God, Oh Mama, even my 90-year old racist Republican grandmother is voting 4 Obama.